Hi friends!
Holy cannoli...It has been a hot minute since my last post. I have to admit, I meant to write this post weeks ago, but I have been feeling discouraged, and putting my feelings to words felt like a mountain to hike. Don't get worried, things are still moving forward, but we have been encountering hurdles and repeated set backs; which of course has been both frustrating and sad for myself, and my Intended Parents (IP's).
To make a long story long....
I started my meds back on May 8th, with a transfer date of June 11th! I was so excited, and eagerly looking forward to this date. I was luckily experiencing minimal side effects from the medication, mostly increased tiredness, but feeling pretty awesome! Many surrogates have intense side effects such as mood swings, nausea, headaches, constipation, etc.! Knowing this, it makes a little exhaustion feel like a cake-walk! It is not surprising though, as amount of meds that have to be taken through a cycle is quite substantial. When I opened my first delivered box of medications, I immediately felt overwhelmed! So many needles of different gauges, enough alcohol wipes to clean my apartment, sharps containers, and pills and vials. All the medications have to be taken at different times of the month in order for your lining to grow, and for you own ovulations cycle to be "turned-off". I was quite fearful that I would mess this up, so I made a super-cool, super-glam med chart to help me stay on track. While every surrogates med cycle will be a little different, mine consisted of Levothyroxine, Luprolide Acetate (subcutaneous injection), Iso-bloom birth-control, a prenatal vitamin, Estrace (estrogen tablets), which were taken in increasing doses, Progesterone-in-oil (intramuscular injection), Methylprednisolone, and Doxycycline.
Seriously a long story long, I told you! Unfortunately, June 11th came and went. One week before my expected transfer date I had an ultrasound and blood-draw (you know where this is going). My ultrasound looked great, with a perfect triple layer lining (see below). During my ultrasound, my witty, but down-to-business ultrasound technician told me my uterus looked "beautiful"!
Side Note - Let me tell you its hard not to make a weird face when somebody tells you that your blood-lined, squishy organ looks beautiful! But she was being very sweet, and very encouraging that everything looked great in there for a baby! Seriously ladies and gents, I had prime real-estate for a little embryo!
Unfortunately my med levels were off. It first started with my estrogen levels being to low; so they increased my Estrace tablets to three pills, three times per day, with one pill inserted vaginally in the morning. On my next blood draw, my estrogen levels were great, but my progesterone levels were too high. This repeated cycle went on for two weeks, with blood draws every two days! At the end of the two weeks they let me know that we had to cancel this cycle and start over. I first felt sad, then frustrated with my body, and then dumb for being naive. Even though I had warned myself that there could be set backs, and found that I was still under the delusion that it would go perfectly the first time.
In addition, it has not been easy starting this process in the summer, as the season of vacations has been running parallel to my surrogacy process, which has caused some problems! I started my meds late due to being in Montana for my sisters graduation (GO LINSEY!), and then because of my levels being off, I ended up having to go to a clinic twice while I was in Denver for my best friends wedding (Congratulations Megan & Jess!). And now during my second cycle, we have a transfer date of July 30th, but we leave for a two week vacation to Montana on August, third.
Look at these fun photos! Denver was so much fun, and such a good distraction from my head and heart.
I feel so thankful to be working with such awesome, responsive, and sensitive organizations! ConceiveAbilities and Greenwhich Fertility, both felt my pain with me, but were immediately encouraging that there was nothing I could have done, nothing wrong with my body, and that we are taking the information we have and moving forward! It was easy to immediately feel guilty that I should have been able to control what was happening, and that I let my IP's down.
When you are the channel through which another family grows, there is a huge sense of accountability and responsibility; I don't also want to be the reason things are not moving forward! I find myself reminding my body that it has ONE job, get it together and be a safe space for a baby be nurtured and grown. I also want to add again, that I have the raddest intended parents! We spoke after the cycle was cancelled, and although I know that they were feeling just as sad, well probably even more sad than I, they were very sweet, and very hopeful, and excited to try again!
So for now, thats what we are doing, working to improve this cycle to make it that last one! I recently had another blood-draw and ultrasound, with the same results as last time; great ultrasound with progesterone levels too high. But some med levels were changed, and I had the levels checked again, and this time there were right where they needed to be (WAAHOOO)!
In the meantime as we work through this cycle, my family and I have been staying super busy! We want to enjoy every last ounce out of this summer that we can, as this fall our littlest starts kindergarten!! I cant believe that time as flown by this fast, and that I will have both my girls in school!
Lastly, can I just ask everyone who prays to please pray for a successful transfer date on the July 30th! I have been praying for patience on my own part; to just let go, and let God control this situation, but I also believe that prayer is powerful! Thank you for everyone who has been supporting me through this journey, I am so blessed to have you! I cant wait to wear my sweet shirt and lucky socks on transfer day!
