Happy summer friends! It has been uber beautiful, and ultra crazy this summer so far, but the lull is finally here. Since Baby K was born, we have been action packed!! My mom came to visit for two weeks, my bestie Meg came up to whisk me away for a weekend, the girls finished out school while I played single mom for six-weeks when Jon was away. We had a family vacation in Tennessee, then Jonathans mom, dad, sister and our new nephew came to visit (eek, he was so cute!!) and we went to Niagara Falls in Canada, and then the girls and I just finished VBS last week at church...When I say crazy, I mean CRAZY! This has been my busiest summer on record, and it is not over yet; in two weeks we are going to go visit Baby K and his family!
I have been resistant in writing this last blog post...besides just being consumed with other things, it feels like an ending that I am not ready for. Jonathan just asked me last night "Can you believe that you had a baby three months ago?" ...Umm, nope! I wanted to be a surrogate for so long, so it is hard to believe that I did it, and it is over. While writing this feels like an ending to surrogacy, our two families relationships feels like the beginning of a lifelong friendship.
I know that I was originally going to write a post that was part two of my birth story, but birth does this weird thing with a mama's mind, and it all seems so long ago and foggy. I will touch on the last two days in the hospital, but I would also like to let you know what life has been like since.
Baby K's First Days
Baby K's first few days in the hospital were the sweetest, also his parents are the sweetest, so it was just a lovely time. After we all caught up on much needed sleep (we were all awake through the night during labor), I would get to spend time with him in his room getting to hold him, and feed him, and smell him...and that is not weird. You know how some people like puppy breath (gross), I just love the smell of a new baby...maybe it's a little weird.
While I was able to get released the next morning, the K family had to say one more night. That night we brought pizza to the hospital for dinner, and the girls finally got to meet the baby they had been talking to for nine months. It was amazing, and just how I imagined it would be! The girls fully realized that this was not their sibling, and they enjoyed getting to talk with Baby K's parents about when I was pregnant, and how happy Baby K would be to meet his brother! The next morning I dropped off my first little stash of milk, and they took him home to New York City. I am so lucky to have been matched with this family, they recognize that I cant help but have a special bond with this sweet boy, and they give me lots of opportunities to love on him and gush my affection all over him.
The days following the birth are a blur, I was healing and adjusting to my first birth where I did not have an infant. In all honesty, I did have one very emotional day, but thankfully just one. I was warned that I could feel weepy since my body would be coming off the ride of a lot of hormones, so I am thankful that it was not worse. I spent that day crying over the littlest things, and honestly mourning the fact that I did not bring a newborn home with me, but the next day I felt fine. In no way do I regret surrogacy, or wish that he was mine, because he was never mine; it was just a hormonal day. For example I literally threw a grade-A temper-tantrum because I could not find the remote, and had to pump! Thankfully I have a very supportive husband who walked me through my weepiness, and within the week my Mom and our friend Hedda were here to keep me company and take care of me (Thanks Mama!)
Life Now
My life now is pumping! Let me just tell you, breastfeeding a baby is the most bonding and wonderful experience...I cant say the same for a pump! I want to preface this rant, that it should be read with a light tone and a smile, because if I wanted to stop, I could, but I love seeing pictures of that chubby baby growing big because of my milk. It's just hard to bond with a machine, right?! You pumping mamas out there feel me! Right now I pump every three hours, everyday, all day. If you have breastfed before, you know that you can get a letdown if you even think about, or see your baby...I NO JOKE get a let down if I grab my pump, or even talk about needing to pump! It is the weirdest and most hilarious thing. The silver-lining to pumping has been that I have spent the last few months watching every Marvel movie ever made in 30 minute increments in preparation for Avengers Endgame (IT WAS AWESOME)! I pump when I drive, when I work, when I fold laundry, I have mastered the art of pumping while doing things..I am pumping while writing this! Once a week I gather up all the milk I have pumped, package it up, and overnight it to New York for Baby K. So far I have shipped almost 350 pounds of milk!!
Our two families are bonded for life, and E and I text weekly, and she sends me pictures of the sweetest chunk-a-monk around. We have visited them twice, and will be heading there in two weeks for a BBQ/swimming party to let the kids see each other, and for me to just soak up hours of Baby K's love! We already have plans for them to come visit us in Alaska, as Jon and C are avid skiers.
Outside of my surrogacy/pumping journey, our family is just mentally preparing for our huge move to Alaska. WE ARE SO EXCITED! We will be leaving in February of 2020; because there is no better time to move to Alaska than in the dead of winter, when they have 20 hours of darkness per day! Jon and I have been working out a lot and I am for once in my life trying to get into shape! I want to feel good in this body and get to enjoy it before I cant anymore. Also we are going on our first cruise next summer and I don't want to spend my time feeling self-conscious; I want to be in the pool with my kids making memories! So far I am feeling really good, and I am down 40 pounds since I gave birth! Also, while Jon already enjoys dragging me all over mountains to hike, the mountains here in Mass are bunny hills in comparison to the ones in AK, so I have some prepping to do.
Really that is all of it! We now just have this amazing family that we get to call friends, and life is getting back to a normal cadence. I plan to continue pumping for as long as needed, and I genuinely enjoy knowing that I plumping up and growing that sweet boy! We will have to stop before we move though, as there is now way milk could make it to New York from Alaska without thawing, and I cannot even begin to imagine those shipping costs. I am so thankful for all of you following along with me on this journey. I am so happy that I got to share my experience with others, and I now have this log of memories to look back upon for the rest of my life. Maybe one day my girls will read it, or maybe even Baby K.